The Vision

My Origin Story

I've always felt the dire need to share my experiences with others. Maybe it's the mediator in me, but ever since I was little, I've known I had a purpose; something bigger than myself that needed to be shared with the world. Not that I think I'm some god-like human being or anything… it's actually quite the opposite.

I am so painfully human that beyond the surface, there's really no difference between you and me. I have insecurities, I have flaws, I have hard days like everyone else. The thing that separates me from a lot of people, however, is the willingness and desire to share these experiences with the world. And that’s what brings us here, my digital journal.

Early Life

Most of my life I’ve had an extreme fear of judgement. Anxiety determined my every move and I had no confidence to use my voice. I grew up being the sweet, shy girl. Liked by most but deeply known by few. I wasn't quiet because I didn’t have anything to say, I was quiet because I thought nobody wanted to hear what I had to say. I chose my words carefully and rarely expressed how I felt.

I’ve now learned through therapy, that this burning desire to be accepted by others really just stems from daddy issues haha. While my childhood was rocky, I’m happy to say that my relationship with my father is now in a much better place and he is actually one of my biggest supporters :)

See, even my clothes were painted :)

But back to the point, I had all these thoughts and ideas with no way to articulate them. And there were a lot of thoughts and ideas thanks to my ADHD. I found an outlet through art & creativity. I lived with a muralist of a mom and I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t surrounded by art. She was my #1 inspiration and the reason I am so creative, to this day. I went through numerous hobbies: Playing instruments, polymer clay sculpting, duct-tape art, gimp, wood burning- you name it and I probably dedicated my entire soul to it (for 2 weeks max, of course because then I ‘d get bored and find a new hobby).

My artistic hobbies came and went, but one thing I always found my way back to was content creation. It started when I discovered Bethany Mota in 2013 and decided I was gonna become a YouTuber. I know every kid says that, but I meant it with every fiber of my being.

I remember being 15 at an eye exam when the doctor asked me what I wanted to do for a living.

“A YouTuber” my mom answered in a mimicry tone. She was tired of hearing it, but I didn’t blame her. She was constantly trying to prepare me for the future, but I refused to have any conversation about college. I knew deep down I was destined for more.

A short montage of just a FEW of my childhood projects. I made anyone and everyone part of my productions.

While I never actually posted any of the videos I made, I definitely put in the work, making them. From stop motions videos with my brothers legos, to ice cream challenges with my sister, to music videos of my cousins fighting- I created anything and everything. I was in love with creating content. It was my passion and it made me feel like I had a purpose.

More Recently

While I no longer want to be a beauty guru; I do still have a deep love and passion for video production/editing. I found my voice through content creation and I even grew a platform on TikTok. I will be graduating this spring with a degree in Cinema & Tv Production; I have gained so much experience through a content creation internship, a marketing assistant job, multiple positions editing & running social media, and now directing/editing an episode that will be aired on WHRO :)

I’ll admit, on paper, it really does look like I have my life together. But in reality, I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing. I still struggle to navigate it everyday. And that’s the part I want to share the most.

Some of the vulnerability posts I did (still found on my insta highlights) and a few people’s words meant more than they’ll ever know <3

A little over a year ago, I was going through the most painful breakup I had experienced. I lost all sense of who I was so as any heartbroken girl does, I spent the whole summer reinventing myself. I rediscovered my passion for content creation and was determined to share my life authentically. I started doing vulnerability posts on my Instagram stories and that’s when I felt the power of vulnerability. People I had never talked to started DMing me, telling me how much my posts meant to them and resonated. It made my heart feel whole to know that by sharing my stories, I could possibly be helping other people. I felt like I had finally found my purpose. I rode the high for a while but somewhere along the way I got lost.

It was numerous things: getting back surgery and not being able to go to the gym, taking on too many jobs & responsibilities, getting back into a relationship I lost myself in, being diagnosed with ADHD & not being able to treat it in the midst of finals- the list goes on. My life was complete chaos.

The lows were low, but I never lost sight of the vision. I was determined to keep moving forward because I knew that everything was happening for a reason. It always is.

Today

I’ve put in the work, the past year. It’s hard for me to acknowledge the things I’ve accomplished (imposter syndrome), but if I really think about it, my life has done a complete 180. I started therapy, moved out of a 6 person house, got my own studio apartment, let go of relationships & responsibilities that no longer served me, fell in love with the gym, started putting my mental health first, began healing my inner child, created things that inspired people, and found a sense of peace within myself that I’ve been searching for, for so long.

While my life still isn’t perfect, I’m both mentally and physically, in a much better place than I was before. I have accepted that my life will never be perfect and I am okay with that. I am living a human experience where I get the privilege to feel every emotion possible and I think that’s beautiful.

My vision for this blog is to be my most authentic self and share the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and the things that are hardest for me to say out-loud. I’m ultimately doing this for me, but if somewhere along the way it helps one person feel a little less alone, that’s all I could ever ask for.

If you read this all the way through- thank you for being here, it means more to me than you know :)